Economic Downturn - A Threat Not Only To Your Mortgage, Your Relationship Too

Wherever you go, you’ll find news on how companies are laying off their employees because of the recession that the world is going through today. It’s just today I read about how recession is affecting everyone, directly or indirectly from Make Love NOT Debt blog. A good relationship finance blog, I recommend you check it out.
 
Unfortunately, for many, financial matters are woven into the very fiber of relationships and marriages. With the number of foreclosures, bankruptcies, failing retirement plans, and employment cut backs today, it is just a matter of time until the stress of it all places enough strain on a relationship to shake its very foundation.  I’ve discussed on relationship stress previously.

That’s not always a bad thing. Shaken to its foundation? May sound frightening at first, but the truth is, the relationship may need a little shaking up.

When asked what couples generally argue about, money is a regular on the list, usually showing up in the top three. Although many of us may fear that the very fact we are having financial difficulties will inevitably lead to relationship trouble, it’s not necessarily true. It all goes back to the foundation shaking.

During these troubling times, it is a perfect opportunity to take a look at what our relationships are fundamentally based on. There are several types of relationships, and some are made out of the strength and fiber that it takes to stay on the path, even when the going gets tough.

What type of relationship do you have?

Money and goal driven: This type of relationship can easily be shaken. Instead of looking to each other for a sense of self-worth, happiness, and security, this type of relationship looks “away” from each other toward goals or money to provide security.

Signs of a money or goal driven relationship are easy to recognize.

- When angry or aggravated, do you turn toward your partner for love, understanding, and reassurance, or do you go shopping?

- Do you avoid dealing with your feelings by focusing on the “next goal” instead of the stability of the relationship?

- Instead of enjoying each other sexually or going for walks together, do you both go your separate ways upon arriving home?

- Do you find it difficult to put projects down to pay attention to your partner, or vice versa?

A goal or money driven relationship will quickly crumble under financial strain. Without the cushion of using money as a diversion, the two of you will have to face each other, and depending on how long this has gone on, there may not be much of a relationship left.

 
Take the time now to set things aside to pay attention to your spouse. As long as there hasn’t been any infidelity, things can easily be heated up again.

Completely Separate Viewpoints: Olivia Mellan wrote the all-important book, “Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships.“ She has noted that when one partner is extremely frugal with the finances, while the other partner spends freely, fights will begin as the budget needs tightening. When there was enough extra cash to provide a cushion for the more frivolous spender, nothing was said.

The extra careful partner may have stuffed their true feelings about the free spender, and now the day of reckoning is set to take place. When it arrives, it could be trouble for the health of the relationship. The spender will most likely feel attacked and betrayed when reprimanded for habits that were “never a problem before.” The frugal partner may feel tremendous bitterness and a desire to blame their partner for being blind to the potential situation ahead.

Head this problem off right now by taking the time to sit down and discuss financial planning strategies before there is an unforgivable infraction that will send the miser off the deep end. Don’t accuse, simply and lovingly talk about making a few changes and placing a governor on unnecessary spending.

Relationships based on feelings for each other and common goals: This is how most of us started out, or meant to. Some of us just assumed that our partner shared our beliefs and goals. The economic climate can be a perfect launching pad for discussions that will bring the two of you back to where you once were, or where you always wanted to be.

Keep lines of communication open and remain sensitive to your spouse’s needs and potential fears. Make specific efforts to keep self-esteem levels high. Sit closer than you used to, hold hands, sleep next to each other, and keep up or develop a healthy sexual relationship.

 
This is all-important for a strong relationship that will stand the test of time, and all the bumps in the road along the way. Travel together toward the same goal, and regardless of the economy, the two of you are positioned for success!

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