If you can’t seem to get over a break up with the one you love and find yourself constantly thinking, “I still love my ex,”  and you fell that your relationship is worth saving, then you’ll need to decide what your next steps should be. After the end of a serious relationship, it’s natural for you to feel this way. After all, you shared some important moments together. The intimacy and love you shared isn’t easily forgotten. But, does this mean you still want to get back together with your ex? When you think “I still love my ex,” does it really change anything?

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When a person thinks “I still love my ex” that’s a sign that there really was a close bond to begin with. That bond is one that’s not easily broken. You’ll always have a certain fondness in your heart and poignant memories from your marriage or serious relationship. But, just because you still feel affection for the person doesn’t mean that you will inevitably get back together, or that it’s even a good idea. Really ask yourself: “I still love my ex, but do I really want my ex back in my life?” It helps to try to see the situation objectively and think about it critically to determine whether the two of you are really the right match for each other.

If you discover that your sentiment is mainly because of residual feelings of affection or longing, then don’t try to steer things in one direction or the other. Just let things play out as they will. You’ll find that the two of you either move on and drift further apart, or you’ll stay friends over the long haul. That friendship could be something just as important as the romantic love you shared; good friends can be tough to come by.

But, if you know in your heart of hearts that you still love your ex and that you’d want to get back together with your lost love, then you need to know that this requires hard work. First you’ll need to find out whether the other person is even remotely interested in getting back together. You shouldn’t push this issue; it’s something that should happen naturally. Time will tell whether the feeling is mutual. When and if you decide to try again, both of you will need to work at the relationship.

If you experienced a failed marriage before, it’s important to seek couples counseling. Regardless of the type of relationship you had, you should look to a trained expert to help you build your relationship and re-establish broken bonds of trust. Obviously, you both made mistakes, and you weren’t able to handle the hardships of your relationship on your own. If you were already in counseling when the relationship ended, I always advice people to seek out a new therapist. You’ll need a new start with someone who can help you get over the baggage of your old relationship to re-built and make your relationship even stronger.

If you just can’t stop thinking “Help!  I still love my ex!” don’t panic. Take a deep breath, step back, and let things take their natural course. Time will help you discover whether you truly are right for each other.

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