Nice to hear from you again. Sorry that I was not able to reply to your message. For your info, I was out vacationing for a whole week. That explains the “no post week” last week. It was our 5th year anniversary.

Sorry to hear that things have not turned out the way we wanted it to be. I gotta tell you, relationship is a tough thing. I guess you know that already.

To tell you the truth, I’m not sure why she’s been acting that way. Have you got a chance to sit down and talk to her yet? Just tell her how you feel and also tell her that you’d like to know where you stand in all this.

You’re not getting any younger Robert. Get some closure with her. Ask her what she wants in this relationship. Is this a one way thing? Are you the only one having this feeling? Does she feel the same way about you too? All those stuff. Just out with it.

If she tells you that she feels the same way about you too, then ask her why is she giving you all these mixed signals. Tell her that you’re confused as to what you should do. If she says that she likes you but she’s not ready for this relationship, ask her will she ever be ready. Nobody’s ever ready for relationships. It just happens. The way for it to happen is for you to let it happen. If she says that she doesn’t feel the same way, then you’ll know where you stand.

I know it’s easier said than done, but you can solve a lot of problems by talking. Don’t hold anything back. Let her have it.

If anything, you know where to find me.

All the best,
May.

Been a while. I just wish I could say that it is going better, but it isn’t the case at this point.

Maybe you could shed some light on the scenario. Since our last chat, I have called her up once every 2 weeks. I have also sent her and Joshau a little something from the heart. I bought 2 organza bags, one big purple one and one smaller orange one. Inside each one of these bags I placed some candy, the candy that she likes in the purple bag and the candy that Joshua likes in the orange bag. Placed the one inside the other and added a little thinking of you note and dropped it off at her work place.

Two days later she called me to say thanks since she feared that she would come across as ungreatful if she didn’t and I assured her that I wasn’t expecting her gratitude because I knew she would be grateful. We thanked one another and hangup. A week later I called and we talked for 10min or so. I wanted to ask her to lunch but decided not to since she might think that it would be seen as payback for the small gesture, not because she wanted to be there. I have called her twice since then and we chat for 10min or so every time. If I call and she doesn’t answer then I leave it at that and call, say 3 or 4 days later when I can.

She actually sent me a Please call me about a week and a half ago. I called her a bit later and we had another 10min or so chat.

I just feel a bit lost I guess, time has flown since we broke up and I still care for this woman and her son. It got a bit intresting 2 weeks ago when two of my previous acquaintances suddenly popped up out of nowhere to add to the confusion. I let both of them know that I am not intrested in anything more that barely being friends since I have my heart set on some one special. They both agreed and I left it at that. I have visited the one 2 times since then, met up with her boyfriend and her and went out last week thursday.

I feel like I am moving on but I also feel so dazzed because I don’t know what is going on around me. My business is taking flight, my work is running like clock work yet I feel dazzed and lost. I have a million ideas about what to do next, but I don’t know what to do. I did not think that she would have such a profound effect on me, not that I mind in the least bit ;D. I thought about another letter to start of a new “game” if you will. In the letter I could provide her with a needle or some sort of pin and prompt her to be on the look out for some balloons in the near future. Pop a balloon and inside their is another message…

I just miss her and Joshua alot. Don’t know how she feels or what she feels. Tried to call her on Sunday but the number was down, flat battery or some thing.

Anything that you can think of. Thanks for the ear.

From your last story and this one, I found out that there were a lot of unanswered phone calls between the two of you. You might disagree with me on this one, but next time try to answer every one of her calls. You might want to show that you’re always there for her. I don’t know the nature of your business, but you want to show her that you are never too busy for her.

You have to bear in mind that she’s a single parent. They are different than other women. Correct me if I’m wrong here, but if she thinks that you’re too busy for her calls, then she might also think that she and her son might be excess baggage to you.

You need to show her that you can include both she and her son, no matter how busy you are. She might be an understanding person and understands that sometimes you’re busy with work. But you don’t want to give her the impression that you’re too busy for her. Rule of thumb: too busy with work - fine, too busy for her (and her son) - never. A simple answer like, “Hi Nicolene, I’m in a meeting now, can I call you back?” makes a lot of difference.

On the other hand, if you call her and she doesn’t answer your call, you have to be patient and understanding. I know it’s pretty much one sided here but that’s the way it is.

But the good thing is, eventhough there were quite a number of missed calls, I’m glad that after that she still called you. It still shows that she still considers you as someone important to her. That’s a good sign.

Your relationship is kinda tricky. You also mention that “I am aware of mistakes that I made…”, but you didn’t exactly tell what those mistakes are. If you don’t want to share it here, then I understand.

I think she still loves you, but I don’t think she’s testing you either. I think there are some issues with her and the only thing to know what these issues are, you need to sit down and talk to her. I always preach about having an honest communication in relationships is the best way to solve problems, not avoiding it.

In this case, she’s kinda like avoiding it altogether. You have no idea why. That’s why you need to get together and talk things through so that you’ll know where you stand. Instead of guessing about this and that, you’ll know what’s the next step forward.

Robert, you need to tell her how you feel about her. How you’re confused with the way things are going with the two of you. Tell her that you’re not going to give up on her and Joshua. That you’ll always be there for them. You also need to tell her that you’re in this for the long run. Ask her if she feels the same. It’s better to know this at the early stage rather than later.

You’re not pushing her here, just that you need to confirm on whether both of you speak the same language. I read somewhere that language is the basis of interaction, a tool for negotiation and strengthens bonds. Both of you need to speak the same language.

That’s it from me. I hope things will work out for you Robert. If you need more help, you know where to find me.

Good luck, Robert.

Well today is Saterday the 14th of March and not much has changed. Let me give you the tale upto now. I am a bit dazzed and not feeling well since I am not sure what to do next. My heart is racing after the woman of my dreams but I feel like I am falling down a bottomless hole.

So, last weekend after our first meeting in 1 month, I decided that I would wait until this Tuesday to call Nicolene up and arrange for the trip to the zoo. However, last week Saterday at 15:50 I got I call from her, but didn’t have my phone with me. I only got to calling her about an hour later, to which she didn’t respond.

I went out the afternoon to a friend of mine for a visit, hadn’t seen him in some time and he is getting married soon. While there, at 19:50 she called me again, 3 hours after I attempted to call her. So I answered and we started talking, saying our hi’s and how are you’s. She then asks me if I can help. She wanted to know wheter I had a spare cellphone charger for her sister. Now I know her sister and she had come home to visit her parents since she studies some ways away from them. I replied by saying that I should have one for her phone but would have to make sure. She then asked if her sister can pick it up at my house.

I told her sure, but that I wasn’t at home and that her sister could come by on Sunday morning and pick it up. She then said that it would be fine and that she would personally return the charger once her sister is done. Sunday morning came and just past nine her sister rocks up for the charger. I get the charger for her and we walk out to her car. She asks me how everything is and what not, to which I replay good. Then just before she gets into her car she asks me what happend between me and Nicolene. She said that before she left we were so in love and not even 3 weeks later and it is over. She also mentioned that when she got home, her sister had seemingly made a 180 degree turn but that she wasn’t talking much to anyone.

We had a bit of a discussion and I told her that I don’t know what had happend but that I am aware of mistakes that I made and that I was changing thos aspects of myself to better myself in th long run. I also told her that I hadn’t given up on Nicolen or Joshua just yet since I really do care and whant them to be as much a part of my life as any. A few things were said that I don’t really understand but will not mention on here, since I do love and respect both her and her family.

After wards when her sister left I felt empty, as though I am missing something that is in plain sight. I felt that suddenly some extra things had just popped up and this would cause me to have to change my strategy all together. Not even an hour later and her sister returns with the charger, thus derailing Nicolene’s plan to bring it back to me in person. Nicolene had been at church while this was happening. This time her other sister had come along aswell. I took the charger greeted both of them and they left.

I sat and thought about what myself and Nicolene’s sister had talked about. Nothing bad, nothing disrespectful, she just mentioned things that I thought would no play a very important part in us getting back together. After I thought things through I realized that nothing had been lost or gained, I just needed to find out about what had been happening and this was the way I found out. So I decided that I will stick to my plan and see how things fair.

So Tuesday I called her at 13:15. She picked up and we greeted. The she said that she was at the dietician. I said, ok I will call you back a bit later. She agreed and we hung up. At 14:35 she called me back, but I was busy, so never got to the call. Later the evening at 19:50 I called her but she didn’t answer. Left it at that. Thursday just after 12 I called, she picked uped and said that she had tried to call but that I must have been busy. I sad that I was a bit busy.

We talked for a bit and I asked her if she was busy on Saterday morning, since I thought that we could head for coffee. She said, that she wasn’t sure but will just find out from her family if they had anything planned for the day and then she would let me know. So we agreed and hung up.

It is Saterday, she didn’t let me know and I feel a bit confused. It is like she is playing hard to get. Not that I mind, since she is worth every waking moment of such a pursuit ;-P. I just don’t know how to respond. I haven’t called her or anything since Thursday. I feel like I am getting mixed signals. One she talks to me it as though she melts away in my arms but the minute we don’t talk she fights every darn erge or feeling that she had for me. I know that she has a tough life, hectic job and what not. So I have no intention of pushing her. I want to sweep her off of her feet the way that I prince is supose to sweep his princes. I am just not sure what to do next…

Got a few plans lined up. Just feel a bit mixed up. Rational but mixed up LOL.

Any Ideas????

That’s what love is. Love is unconditional. When you’ve found love, it is the most wonderful drug. As much as it is the most wonderful thing in the world, love also makes you go cuckoo.

I wish you all the best in your relationship with Nicolene and Joshua. If you need more help, you know where to find me Robert.

Cheers!

May.

May here. First of all, I’d like to thank you for sharing with me your relationship story.

From reading your story, I get the impression that you are a very wise and patient kind of guy. You are very detailed in your explanation, especialy with the timeline. But then again, you’re a project manager, so it figures.

Robert, you are already doing everything right. You sound very matured for a 23 year old. Your patience is something that I admire. You think rationally and act accordingly. If I may say so, you’ve followed TW’s advice to the letter. Bravo to you.

I think everything is on the right track. You just have to be patient with her for a little bit longer. Patience is a virtue my friend. She still loves you and it is a good sign as it means that the love is there to begin with.

Right now, you should let her know that you’re always going to be there for her. By that, I don’t mean you should tell her that, but show it to her. That you’re there to support her, you’re there as a friend to talk to, you’re there to let her know how much you care.

She might act the way she did might be because she felt insecure about her job. The current world economy does this to a lot of couples in relationships. On the other hand, she might act this way because she’s still hurting from her last relationship.

If she’s still hurting from her past relationship and there’s a chance that she might think that her next one will be the same too. Remember that she’s a single parent and had a bad relationship experience previously. When she’s experiencing something good with you, she got scared. Cold feet. You’re right, sometimes people in this kind of situation thought that bailing out when it’s still good. This is where they are wrong.

You need to convince her that no relationship is the same. It’s different for everybody. Just because of her previous bad experience, it doesn’t mean that the same would happen with you. On top of that, you have to let her know that no relationship is perfect.

Here’s my suggestion. Before going to the zoo this weekend, buy a gift for Joshua and call her and ask her to meet you for lunch because you have something to give to Joshua. Try and get something that looks unplanned. Like a book for example. It shouldn’t be expensive. Otherwise it will look as if you’re trying to suck it up to her. My suggestion, since she loves reading to Joshua, try and get him a book. Tell her that you stumbled upon that book the other day when you went out with your friends and immediately you thought about Joshua.

Why you should do this? Because it’s a way of letting her know that you also include Joshua in the relationship too. I notice that you’re doing this already like going to the big screen cinema and what not. That’s good. You should do more of these. You have to show that you care for the both of them.

One thing that bothers me is when you said:

“After this I’ll look into the romantic but subtle ways of letting her know that I care, and want her and only her in my life.”

You should change your thinking from “I want her back” to “I want both Nicolene and Joshua back in my life”. When you change your thinking this way, everything you’ll do from now on will reflect towards the both of them without you knowing it. So buying a book or whatever you think is appropriate for Joshua before your trip to the zoo is a good idea.

Hey Robert, I hope this helps. Should you need more help from me, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Good luck Robert.

To everybody else reading this, please share with Robert and I your thoughts.

Sincerely Yours,
May.