Last week, a regular visitor of this Winning Ex Back blog by the name of Robert commented on my post which you can find here: Get Ex Back February 2009 articles. He was looking for my help and I offered mine. Below is written by Robert. Share with everybody what you think he should do in order for him to get his girl back. He bought The Magic of Making Up ebook and applied it step by step.


Image credit: Rick Smit

Here’s Robert’s relationship story.

Like everyone else, I came by here to find some answers to getting back the most amazing woman that I have ever met. I am 23 and she is 26 with a 3 year old son, even miss this little guy like alot.

So here is the story. I own my own company working as a consultant, Project Manager and Engineer for Information Technology. As a side job I present courses in the fields as mentioned above. So I started presenting class to Part Time Students, people that keep a full time job but need to further their studies. The course was project mangement.

In this group is where I first met Nicolene. An amazing person to say the least. 2 weeks before the course finally comes to an end, after about 4 months of class, she approaches me one evening after class and mentiones that her company is having a year end function and she wanted to know wheter I would be intrested in joining her. I said that I she doesn’t mind I would first like to make sure that I am available for that day, since my work requires alot of time in some instances. I also asked for her number and said that she would hear from me the next day.

So true to my word I called her and setup the meeting for this event. After the function she invited me over, and I was introduced to her family, since she still stays with her parents. We had an amazing evening and had a decent chat. So after the evening she asked me if she will see me again, and I mentioned that this was definitely going to happen.

About 3 days later I took a chance and called her up to arrange a date, and she asked if it would be possible that I rather come over to her house for dinner, I gladly agreed and on this meeting she introduced me to her son, Joshua, aswell. Struck it of with the little guy right from the start. I also mentioned to her at this meeting that I am 23 and that I know she is 26, neither of us had a problem with that. Needles to say, after this I just kept on going back ;-)

About 2 weeks later we were officially in a relationship. This setup a perfect christmas for me and the best new year I have ever had in my life. You start your new year in the arms of the most beautiful, intellegent, sweet, attractive, honest, passionate etc… person in this galaxy and you’ll be hafl way their to what I was feeling.

On the 27th of December we went out one eveing and had an amazing time, really amazing. It led to the bedroom but I stopped before jumping the gun. The 28th would have been our first month together and I told her that things are perfect and I feel that I would be disrespectfull if going down this route so early one. She said that she didn’t want me to leave but undestands and respects my decision.

Our time upto now was amazing. Watched alot of movies, went out and what not. Alot of the time it was all three of us and every now and then only myself and her. I didn’t mind this one bit because I told her that in her life her son is the first priority the her self and some where along the line it would be me. I was willing to earn my place in her busy life. We never fought or anything. A few disagreements but over all we have the same outlook on life love and everything else. Once in a while she would mention that she felt a bit bad because I would take them out and I would pay for everything. I assured her that to me it was not about the money but about the memory, the fun the pleasure that I get when she and Joshua enjoy them selfs. Nothing else made me happier. I even mentioned, prior to christmas, that if it was ok with her I would like it if we both bought Joshua a gift or 2 together and she agreed.

From the 5th of January to the 11th she went on holiday. I stayed behind because of work and because their family had planned this prior to me, so it would have been inappropriate for me to barge in on their vaction. I called her in the evenings and everything was perfect.

She came back on Sunday the 11th and we arranged a meeting for Monday the 12th, since I knew she would be exusted. The Monday evening I went by. Always went by in the evenings from say 6pm for dinner or sometimes 7pm to 9pm, which ever suited her since she wanted to put Joshua in bed at about 8pm in the evenings.

Well when I got their iit was all hugs and kisses and what not. Normal evening of fun and chatting and joking around. When I left she gave me a message in a bottle, and my heart immediatly sank. This had never ever happend to me before. It had the most beautiful message ever and I was touched deeply by this. I fell so deeply in love with her because of this sincerety. I had been getting her surprises at work and home, telling her and, not expecting anyting in return. I understood her priorities and then this.

Another week went by and I feel we just struck at each other on an even deeper level than ever before. The weekend that followed however started something that upto now I am still very unsure about. I had invited her over to my house since my mom is just as head over heals about Nicolene and Joshua as I am. The Saterday she didn’t pitch. She had made up an excuse. But I let it go. You see she likes to relax infront of the TV watching whatever is on, I don’t like to watch TV at all, a movie is different. She had settled in on the coach and well skipped out on our date. Anyway, she invited me over, and I was a bit dissapointed, but didn’t let it phase me.

The Sunday she came over at about 4pm and we had a great time. Me, my mom Nicolene and Joshua. I had also arranged some books for her and Joshau since she loves reading and teaches her son the same. At 6pm she said that she had to go and well we kissed our good byes and she was off. The Monday when I called to hear if we are getting together she said sure but prefably after 9pm, cause she wanted to put Joshua to bed. I gladly agreed. I arrived and could feel something was different, but left it. (I can kick myself a million times over for this…). She asked if it would be ok if she did some work and I said sure, I even suggested to help her. And we had a good time together talking and doing work. She even said so her self.

But every evening the same thing would happen. By the Thursday my hart was bleeding but I didn’t know why or respond to it. The Saterday I went at 8pm and saw her son and parents for the first time that week. We had a bit of a disagreement with regards to myself, her and her son who wanted to watch a movie with me. He asked and I declined, previously I would agree or decline every once in a while. No harm no foul. So I didn’t understand what the fuse was about.

The rest of the evening was tense. She didn’t hold my hand or nothing. I left a bit latter and asked if we would get together the Sunday. She responded the she didn’t know but would call me up. I left it at that, kissed her good bye, got home SMS’ed her that I arrived safely, usual since she asked me to do this, otherwise she couldn’t sleep because she would be worried. She would never respond to these SMS and it was ok by me.

The Sunday came and went. The Monday I called and she said that we can’t get together, I agreed and bowed out. But I knew that their was something wrong. I got sick to my stomach knowing this. The Tuesday morning I sent her an email just wishing her a great day, and I got a reply that made my world fall apart in 10 sekonds flat…

Basically she said that she doesn’t feel ready for an intimate relationship. She also said that if I don’t understand or didn’t want to talk to her she would understand and just bring along my stuff. I replyed and asked if it would be ok if we could atleast sit and discuss this, since I felt very awkward emailing her about this sensitive subject. She Argreed.

I was a train wreck. 1 day before our second annaversery… I went over the evining and we sat and talked for an hour and 40 min. When I sat their, the person looking back at me wasn’t Nicolene. She was fighting to keep that part of herself away from me, this hurt like hell because I had already grow to love her in this short time. She admitted to her feelings but also said the following. She is worried about money and her job. Movements need to take place in the company and it is stressing her out. Alot of things where happening and she really doesn’t know which why to turn. She said that she felt bad about strinning me along because she has feelings but fears the she might be the cause later on for a very bad ending to our relationship. I couldn’t understand this. She said that she was affraid she couldn’t balance everything anymore and she needed to cut me lose to prevent hurt. I told her that it was already hurting. She said that she wants to see me since their is nothing we can not share, and belive me we shared everything, not regretting a single moment in doing so. I saw her heart break and it broken my even further…

So I agreed to the break up telling her that my hart doesn’t want to but that I understand, for the most part, what she was saying. I was willing to give her the time and space, against my own hearts content. I left and was blown to bits. I cried on my way home, didn’t sleep I wink. The next morning my live turend even worse appon the news that my parents where getting divorced. This ontop of what had already happend hurt like hell. I sent her a mail stating this but I knew it cam out as desperate. The Thursday she replyed and said the if I want to talk that it would be ok. I left it at that. The Friday she sms’ed me wanting to know how things where, and I replied. This made me feel better but still hurt. The Monday she called and we talked for 5 min or so. SMS, email, SMS, email… for the rest of the week.

But this time I had already decided that I care for her deeply and am going to get her back. I bought TW Jacksons book and started planning this thing. I kept to the No Contact rule despite wanting to call her and see her with all my heart and soul. Over that weekend I started to write her a letter. I knew where I went wrong and apologised for this using the clean slate method. I also stated the I have decide to change to better my self and understood why things happend in the first place. I mentioned that I was going to move forward but wouldn’t mind if she and Joshua where part of my life since that felt like the right thing to have in my life.

I dropped this off at work, and knew that I cannot expect anything from this. Didn’t hear form her for that week. The next week the same. So I planned an entire setup for Valentine’s but decided that I can not go through with it since it was to early, wait 1 month, and that it would be very inappropriate to follow this route. So the morning I mailed her an ecard, knowing that she would only get it the Monday. She only has a work mail address. The evening I just sms’ed to her how things where and what not. Obviuosly no reply, but it was ok. All the communication upto this point was planned, not impulsive and never desperate. This I know for a fact. TW Jackson makes it damn clear what can and can not happen ;)

The next two weeks still No Contact. I am planning my little bum of because I know that I care about her and her son enough to fight back at what had happend. I really do care for her.
So after waiting 1 month I call and initiate first contact. She answers but with a very surprised and happy tone. We talked a bit and I asked for a lunch date. She immediatly said yes but she would just have to make sure everything is ok, and would then call me back. She never did, this is my fault since I wasn’t specific enough. But ok never the less. This Monday I mailed her telling her that I had been busy with some of my work when her name popped into my head and well I thought I would drop her a mail to see how things where, keeping the lines of communication open…

She didn’t respond but it wasn’t a train smash. This Tuesday evening I called with no answer. And left it their. An hour later I get an SMS on my phone saying that she is sorry for not answering and that she will SMS me later again. Never happend, but I kept my cool. Wensday morning I got an SMS from her apologising for not SMSing me Tuesday eveining. I left it again. This message came in at about 11am, I was busy with work so just continued along. At 1:15pm I called her and the phone didn’t even ring once and she answered. We had talked and joked around and I arranged for another lunch meeting for Yesterday. She said yes and asked me to remind her at 12:30pm the following day.

I made sure my day was free and setup correctly for this. Best foot forward, new haircaut, deoderant, cloths, you name it I did it. So, I SMS’ed her the reminder at 12:20pm and I was at the coffee shop at 12:50pm. At one she calls me and says she just left work and will be by shortly. She arrived about 5 min later. She looked rather nervous but as beautiful as ever…

We had a good time. I didn’t mention anything with regards to reconcilitaion since I had the feeling that is what she was waiting for and was ready to turn it down. Don’t ask me how I know this but that is what I felt. Afterwards I told her that I know she needs to get back to work so I’ll pick up the tab and she can get going so long. She said ok but immediatly stopped and said no, she would wait and we can leave together. And so we did. When we got to her car, I thanked her and she said it was a pleasure and we should do it again sometime. She got in her car and I walked on to mine. I was numb all over when I got to my car.

It is Friday today, and I have been numb since yesterday. I really care for her. I know that I have made some mistakes but nothing major enough to push her away from me. Now I do fear that she might see that I am moving on but without her. The changes the came about, those that she was expecting from her job and what not, didn’t happen as expected so I know she is a bit dazzed.

My thinking at this point is still the same, I want her back, no matter what. I have been thinking that obviuosly the element of surprise is going to work in my favour. She is a hopeless romantic but she doesn’t want to think with her heart. She got burned before so I can understand this. But she is in a routine the she believes manages her love life. And that is that no relationship ever lasts more than 3 months. I think that it is because of this routine that she called it of initially. I want to break this cycle and show her more than that. I myself am a hopeless romantic, yes I am a guy but I love to think with my heart, despite the hurt that I have gone through. So I belive that I can use this to my advantage.

I also feel that since we actually had a ‘good breakup’, if I can call it that, that I still have a chance to sweep this woman of her feet and into my arms. We never fought and had a great time 99% of the time. She made the call on what was physically happening around her cutting out her own heart, and I am not sure why??? I am also responsible for the rift, that I accept. But all her explinations where about her life, job, money, time, etc. None of them are valid for me except one and that is time and space, but I don’t see the rest as being a problem considering that I had been around long enough to know and understand the routines that she follows.

I also believe that she got scared the she was starting to become dependant on me, despite that fact that I said I love taking her and Joshua out, not for the money but the memory. I was the first guy to take her and her son to the ‘BIG SCREEN’ cinema. It was her sons first time altogether. That meant so so so munch to me. Not the money spent for the date, that is nothing compared to the sentiment.

I thought that I would call her this week say on Tuesday and see if I can’t arrange a trip to the Zoo next week Saterday. After this I’ll look into the romantic but subtle ways of letting her know that I care, and want her and only her in my life. I believe you stated that as long as the power does not move into her court things will be fine.

Any thing you want to add?

I do apologise for this long artical. It is actually the first time I really get to talk about it. I have been searching the Internet for the last month to get my love back on track and finally stubled upon your blog, which I am greatfull for.

PS. Please forgive any spelling mistakes as well…

Regards
Robert

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