If you’ve recently faced relationship troubles, you may be asking yourself how to win your boyfriend back. Romantic relationships are often rocky, with wonderful highs and difficult lows as well. Many times, these low points result from a misunderstanding. So, when you’re analyzing what happened, here are some pointers about why men may misinterpret your message and end up backing away.

Image credit: Nicole Blommers

One of the things that may cause a man to pull away seems somewhat counterintuitive. But, if you try too hard to please him and cater to his every whim, he will soon begin to see you as a doormat. In order to earn his respect, you must first respect yourself. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t treat him well, but simply that you should be self sufficient and able to stand up for yourself too. This is one of the keys for how to win your ex boyfriend back.

Another thing that often backfires in a relationship is talking about your ex boyfriends. For men, dating brings on their competitive nature. Even if a prior relationship is a thing of the distant past, if you mention these other men your guy is likely to feel threatened, as though he is competing against your old boyfriends. Again, this doesn’t mean that you can’t share some insights about prior relationships.

And, it’s important to be open about your past. But it’s one thing to let him know you had a long term relationship throughout high school and college, and quite another to gush about how brilliant your past boyfriend was, or discuss his awards, game stats, and tattoos. Providing too much detail about one of your ex boyfriends may make your current partner think that he’s not good enough.

You should also balance your behavior between being overly business-like versus too provocative. Behaving like a lady is the rule of the day. While you should guard against being too revealing or overt, you also don’t need to be prudish or aloof. Avoid giving the impression that you are too “easy” or conversely too intimidating. Be yourself, but be conservatively feminine.

Excessive nagging and pressuring is another way you can go wrong. Trying too hard to back him into a corner to analyze his role in the relationship and define how he feels before he is ready is the wrong approach. Men get defensive when you challenge their feelings, and if he feels cornered, he may go on his merry way.

One more thing that can go terribly wrong is trying to change who he is. This simply isn’t possible. Men want to know that you want him for his own sake, so pressuring him to change sends a clear message that he isn’t good enough the way he is. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t deal with issues in the relationship, but the core of who he is can’t be changed. If he isn’t right for you, you should look for somebody else.

There is no such thing as the perfect relationship, but when you need to know how to win your boyfriend back, pay attention to these suggestions to avoid sending him running for the hills.

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