Recently a reader of this blog wrote to me and asked for help. You can read Robert’s relationship story here. Robert inspired me to write this article on how to heal relationships. Relationship is a tricky thing. I dedicate this article to my friend Robert. I hope he will be able to heal his relationship with Nicolene.

Image credit: Kjunstorm

Relationships are meant to be a positive experience to help us be the best we can be, but ironically, relationships sometimes result in self esteem issues. Considering how important relationships are in our lives, it’s no surprise that many self-esteem issues are closely tied to our relationships. Whether you are married or dating the person you love, a relationship can often have far-reaching effects on the way you see yourself. Many of us make great efforts to find that special person who will provide unconditional love and support, and will make us feel fulfilled. In reality, this isn’t always what happens.

We sometimes struggle to understand the reason for problems in our relationships. We may wonder whether they originate from experiences that either partner may have had early in life, or whether they are simply difficulties that you now face in your relationship. Trying to get to the heart of the matter is no easy task. But, regardless of the ultimate cause, what is clear to you is that you are presently facing difficulties in your relationship.

The best approach to take is to try to repair the relationship that you are in, so that the two of you can help each other face the challenges that life brings. If you find yourself turning to any number of self help books and strategies in a search for healing, you should know that true healing in the relationship will bring you to a place where you no longer need fads and gimmicks. You won’t need to try to ‘fix’ yourself anymore when you and your partner work together. You’ll need to put in hard work to build the relationship, and it may be a good idea to seek the services of a couples or marriage therapist to help you through these issues.

As you go through the process of healing your relationship, end the cycle of ‘constructive’ criticism with your spouse or partner. More often than not, this is simply a power ploy by one of the parties in the relationship to belittle or gain control over the other. Do not accept negativity and put-downs from your partner, and do not put-down your partner either. When the battling stops, you’ll learn that a relationship is not meant to be a power struggle. If you stop thinking of your relationship as a war with winners and losers, there will no longer be any need to fight.

Another important thing to remember is to keep the lines of communication open by talking about your problems, instead of immediately pointing the finger of blame at the other person. Come to agreement about the expectations you have for the relationship, and discuss the role that each of you plays in the relationship. It’s important to communicate to your partner what hurts you, but also what you want and need in the relationship. Take steps to understand your partner’s needs as well, and be willing to compromise to try to meet them as best you can.

Whether you are married or simply dating the person you love, there are a number of techniques that can help you heal your relationship and set aside talks of divorce or separation from your loved one. If you can put away your disagreements and commit to helping one another reach full potential, you’ll see that your relationship can have a positive influence on the way you feel about yourself. Dedication to overcoming problems in a positive way can help you both surmount the challenges that you are dealing with.

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